Birth Story

I got a good number of contractions on Thursday evening. (We had been to the nurse that day and I had gotten checked. I was 2 cm maybe.) I got up and left John to sleep. I was up for a few hours, but went back
to bed and the contractions were light enough or went away and I slept. Nothing happened during the day.

I had contractions on Friday evening. We got in bed, but didn't stay there long. We certainly didn't sleep at all. We ended up calling the doula, Henna, around 3 am. I went into the shower with the ball. (Our shower isn't a stall or a tub, but the drain is part of the whole floor, so we just had to open up the curtain and have the ball in the bathroom.) I was on my knees draped over the ball with my back under the shower for apparently 2 hours. John tried to take a nap while I just hung out and the doula was making her way. I think he was unsuccessful. I sang a lot while in the shower. Every low, meditative, long song I could think of. I kind of got bored in there, especially when I knew John was having to entertain Henna.

Then I came out of the shower and things slowed down to about 10-15 minutes apart, but stronger. I got frustrated and felt watched. Henna did not bring anything to read or do. She just sat there. I felt like hiding in the nice dark bedroom. After eating some pancakes, we decided maybe we would go on a walk. She said she would go visit a friend in town for a little bit. We didn't walk, but enjoyed being alone again. At around 10 am we decided it was worth it to go get checked. We could always come back, and there were aspects of the hospital I was looking forward to (the tub and listening to our CDs that we had checked out of the library).

We got there around 10:30 am and I was 5 cm. So we stayed and John and I sang together. We listened to the albums: Bridge Over Troubled Waters, Wooden Ships, and Dixie Chicks Home. I knelt on a stool and leaned onto the bed plus some pillows. I was being monitored for a little bit to get a baseline etc.

 We walked around and watched an awful Will and Grace rerun on tv in a lounge. Still I only had one contraction in 20 or so minutes. We listened to more music. I drank some juice.

Eventually, I got in the shower again, but it wasn't as nice or cozy this time. The ball didn't really fit in the room. There was really only room to stand under the shower head, because when facing away from the shower head, you were facing the side of the toilet. So I was on an angle in the shower and couldn't get the water to hit me on my back right.

 We decided to get checked and then possibly break the bag. I was only 6 or 7 cm. We were taking time to decide about the bag because I wanted to use the tub, Then they said I couldn't go in the tub anyway, because they would be afraid it would break in the water. They don't let you stay in the water once it is broken and we knew that (and didn't agree  scientifically with it), but this was new frustrating information which didn't make sense.

Broke the bag. Had to get a monitor on again. I hated being on my back. I hated getting checked. I was mad about that. For all the talk about "You can deliver in any position you want. Some midwives have a preferred one, but any is okay." They should tell you that you have to be on your back to get checked.

 I asked John for gas, that is Nitrous Oxide, and he said "two more without". We talked about that moment later and it was like it was a script we both new about. I needed to ask for something. I needed to say that I wanted an escape. Likewise he needed to encourage by saying "do a few more". He said though that really he was just stalling, trying to figure out how the gas would work. Would I have to be on my back? etc. The only pain relief the doula provided was during those contractions after the water was broken. She stroked my back downward. She did help get hot packs for my back and juice from the fridge in the hallway, as well as providing some translations.

I didn't have to do more than three contractions, after John asked for two more, before the urge to push overwhelmed me. That was about an hour after the bag was broken. Of course I had to get checked before being given the okay to push, even though I knew it was involuntary at that point. Then I didn't want to move from laying there on my side. But I got on the bed on my knees and the bed was raised up to support my chest and there were handles to hold on to when my arms reached straight in front of me.

I wish there would have been better communication at this point or before it, because I didn't know if I should push or not. Yes, it was involuntary, but there was also choice of how much power to put behind it. There was one point where everyone said don't push. And I could feel that the midwife was trying to keep the perineum intact. But later they didn't tell me to stop they just said it was close. I wish they would have, because I think I could have slowed down if told to, and not have torn. But I wasn't told to. So when I felt it was close, and even though I knew I shouldn't, because I could still feel the burning, I kept pushing beyond the urge. I officially pushed for only 19 minutes. I felt much quicker, but I can only imagine what some others experiences were like when they pushed for hours. Wow.

There are so many things I now know to talk to a practitioner about. I almost can't wait to go through the process of finding someone next time. I only hope I have some choices. I felt bad talking to one friend, because she's a great writer and poet, and I couldn't describe anything to her. I couldn't compare to anything and yet it felt like the most natural in the world. It's all getting quite blurry actually. Good ole hormones!